Psycho therapeutic aid for those who fall out of love
There was a woman who was happily married until she had a child and then she began to doubt her love for her husband and it was a mystery. Why does she suddenly feel now that the man she once thought was the best is no longer the best?
When we delved into it we found that she wanted a maternal type of man and that was what she needed until her mother got involved in her life again.
She had something in common with her mother in that they were both caring for her child and she now needed a different type of a man. Luckily she was smart enough to stop and say “wait a minute, I was in love with this guy six months ago. Why am I not in love with him now? It can’t be that he’s changed, I must have changed. What’s going on in my mind?”
The point psychoanalysis gets you to see is that your mind can play tricks on you. So before you wreck a marriage, stop and think about what you are doing. You may still take that action, but it’s nice to know why. If the guy is guilty of domestic violence or is cheating on you, drinking, etc. that is a different story.
A treatment regimen would vary from individual to individual or couple to couple. Psychodynamic psychotherapy, CBT, medications for treatment of Axis I problems, treatment of sexual dysfunction.
Sometimes information is enough. Take vacations; put a lock on your bedroom door if you’re afraid of having sex because your kids may come in. Turn the music on and teach your children that mom and dad have to have their private time, tell them that after e.g., 8 o’clock ‘it’s our time, goodnight’. Sometimes all it takes is a simple measure. Sometimes people don’t realize that just because they are 40 or 50 doesn’t mean romance has to be over. Romance is not the province of people under 30. Couples just have to realize that they have to work at it.
Mothers sometimes get overly involved with their children and men feel neglected so they start to withdraw.
You should be informed about that so you know that it is a potential pitfall.
A wise mother-n-law teaches her daughter to be sure to pamper her husband and tells her son that part of being a good father is being a good husband.
This means romance your wife; remember Valentine’s Day, her birthday, your anniversary etc., take time out to do special things for each other.
Also, make sure you know that you each come first. Once a person thinks that the children or someone else comes first, whether they are right or wrong, that is a toxic feeling and you don’t want it to develop very far.
I am Fatomilola Ezekiel Adewale,the Marital Psychologist,I have brought this views of Georgetown university Professor,Clinician Stefan Pasternack because I am trying to convey a curiosity about mental life. One of the mistakes couples often make is they take things at face value
Let’s hear your comments now, air you views and let other dis confirm or confirm.
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